SuperNeptural Shenanigans
by Eiskralle1
Summary: Histoire needs a vacation, and Gabriel needs some new shenanigans to dump on Team Free Will for his entertainment. Vert never wanted to get involved in Neptune's dimension-hopping, but who cares when there's sultry, mysterious guys to appreciate? Neptune just wants to kick ass and eat pudding. The boys are about to have their hands very full.
1. Prologue: Accorded Neutral Territory

There are some essential facts not generally known to most of the multiverse.

One of them is that even God needs a break sometimes. It's only logical, if you think about it; he's got one hell of a job after all, if you pardon the french. Those breaks occasionally stretch out over a few millennia, but that's another matter entirely. It is also not the point right now.

Gabriel is not God. He still needs a break from time to time, too, though, especially with a particular couple of mortals (along with his little brother) being a spectacular pain in his ass lately. He deserves a day off, seriously.

While he usually is the type to go in for ridiculously colourful, cheerful, overly sweet drinks, preferably with umbrellas in them, he settled for a simple beer today, simply because the beer at this place is amazing.

He tips his bottle in the direction of his seatmate and inquires cheerfully: "Off on a break, too, huh?"

A grumpy mumbling could be heard from under the mass of bright blonde hair that pooled around the face of a small woman with a fairy-like appearance, which was currently in solid contact with the table.

Before the archangel could make fun of her position, the barman called out "Histoire!" (because in this bar you could damn well pick up your own orders, or you needn't have bothered coming), so she waved a hand, and a platter laden with steak and fries started floating across the room, accompanied by a bottle of beer that looked ridiculously large next to the tiny being.

Raising her head from her frustration induced power nap, she raised her sky-blue eyes to Gabriel's face. She had a long way to look up to, seeing as, even seated on her floating book, she still barely reached up to his chest.

"I wish. But knowing Neptune, if I leave for more than a day, the country will probably be on fire when I come back. Urgh, why is she only motivated to be productive whenever there's a giant monster trying to destroy the world?!"

Gabriel smiled wrily. "That is more relatable than you think, believe me," he told her. "Although, with the Apocalypse underway and everything, the boys are holding up pretty well at the moment. You don't seem to happy about your bunch though." He took another sip of his beer. "Sounds like you could use more than just a day off."

She took the bottle in both hands and tilted it to her mouth. It looked less like drinking from a bottle and more like sipping from a bowl, but it also meant she got more out of the best beer in the known Multiverse, so she didn't mind that much.

Right now her dignity was not really a concern.

"All the CPUs are horribly stressful when they have too much time on their hands. Is it bad that I wish for another monster plague, or the return of evil Arfoire or something?"

"Oh, I know what it's like," Gabriel responded, waving a hand. "I have siblings. Tied one of them up with duct tape once. That was fun." He sighed wistfully, took a sip of his beer and then paused.

A grin forming on his features, he turned in his seat. "Hey. I think I might have an idea. You want some holidays, right?"

"That's an understatement, but yes. I wish I could just kick back and relax for a few days without having to clean up after Neptune every 5 minutes"

The Tome-Fairy sighed and shook her head.

"I could get caught up on paperwork, read a good book, play some of the new releases, catch a good night's sleep..."

Yes, Gabriel was an angel. An archangel, in fact. But he had also been a trickster god for thousands of years and some opportunities were just too good to pass up.

"Okay, Histy, listen here," he said, leaning forward, "I've got an idea..."

 **AN: Why hello there, dear readers. Those among you who are here because you follow me may be thinking: "Dammit, Eis, why are you starting another project when you have yet to make any progress on Protagonist or Yeah Complicated? You haven't even given us those shorts you promised!"** **To which I say... yeah, you have a point. Though, in my defense, the rest of my stuff is being worked on. Also, this doesn't take much of my time and attention, give that everything I publish in this story was written long ago, in collaboration with my dear friend Majinie (check him out over on Archive Of Our Own if you like Avengers, Supernatural or Hamilton stuff). I'm only now editing and uploading it because I felt like sharing this little silly story that came from one of my many silly ideas.**


	2. Chapter 1: First Impact

Somewhere in the american midwest, in some cheap motel, two brothers and an angel had no idea whatsoever that they were about to experience a new kind of chaos altogether

Gabriel popping in occasionally with the odd tidbit of information (which he made them pay for double in pranks, of course) wasn't all that unusual of an occurrence, which was why Dean barely paid the sound of flapping wings any heed apart from a look over his shoulder and a gruff, already slightly wary "hey" before he returned his attention to his beer and Sam's laptop.

The younger hunter was propped up against the headboard of one of the motel beds and snapped his book shut when the archangel appeared. Cas stood at a window and stoically stared outside.

"Hi, Gabriel," Sam greeted, straightening up. Gabriel had kept his expression perfectly innocent, which was probably what tipped the hunter off because he narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "What's up?" he inquired cautiously.

The archangel's small smile, which he had pulled up in a way of greeting, widened surreptitiously. With a sense of fascination, he observed that the widening of his grin seemed to be proportional to Sam's questioning eye-narrowing.

"Oh, nothing," he replied lightly. Dean turned at his pointedly innocent tone while Gabriel casually strolled across the room. "I met up with an old friend earlier today," he remarked casually while he glanced around in the kitchen for sweets. No such luck, of course, so he conjured up a chocolate bar with a shrug and began to unwrap it. "And I decided to do her a favour, because I'm nice like that, and I immediately had to think of how perfect you guys would be to have as allies in this situation." He beamed at them. "Isn't it great that we're all friends now?"

He didn't give the Winchesters a chance to respond (because boy, he didn't want an answer to that particular question) before he snapped his fingers to release his... guests, he decided to call them guests, from the pocket dimension he'd transported them in.

Interdimensional travel wasn't easy, alright? Sometimes you had to cheat a little.

"You're gonna be the best of friends," he announced cheerfully before he spread his wings and fled the room.

Three pairs of eyes widened as two small figures landed on the motel room's grubby floor. It was hard to tell, at that moment, what the weirdest thing about the newcomers actually was. It probably wasn't the way they suddenly appeared out of nowhere, as that wasn't too unusual where archangels were involved.

It might have been the fact that they were small, and female (extremely, undeniably so in one case), amd altogether too colourful for the drab atmosphere of the room. Or maybe the fact that they didn't look quite... right, almost as if they weren't made from the same material as the world around them. Or maybe it was the total nonchalance with which they took the whole situation.

The bigger one, a blonde woman dressed in a green and white dress, stood up and dusted off her shoulders with delicate hands enclosed in complementary white elbow-long silk gloves, and sighed.

"That was not the graceful entry I had been hoping for. Hey, where did he go?! Neptune, get your friend back here, that was very rude of him!"

The smaller one, who's hair was an unnaturally bright shade of purple, fitting the highlights on her weird hoodie/dress hybrid thing and just a shade darker than the pink stripes of her thigh-high socks, bounced to her feet, shooting an angry frown at the ground she had just laid on.

"Well, at least we didn't fall from the sky this time. But he could've at least let us land on something a little more comfortable. This floor is worse than the floor in Nep Junior's workshop. Definitely not napping material, zero out of ten Neps. And he isn't my friend, he's a friend of Histy's, and I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind next time I see him! Oh hi, who are you? Are we interrupting something?"

Because she had managed to say all that in what appeared to be a single breath, it took the hunters a moment to realize that the last few words had been directed at them. Castiel, being an angel, had of course had no such problems following the obviously superhumanly energetic girl's words.

"No," the Angel answered her, voice gravelly as ever, while observing the two with keen blue eyes. "You are not. But I don't understand..."

"What he's trying to say," Dean cut in, "is what the f-"

"Fudge!" Sam interrupted loudly and glared at his brother as he mouthed _dude, little girl_ with a pointed look in the direction of the child in question, accompanied by bitchface #47.

Dean rolled his eyes. "... what the... fudge this is supposed be." His eyes flickered from the pink-haired girl to the woman standing next to her and a touch of appreciation sneaked into his wary, annoyed gaze.

Sam had known him for long enough to know that this look didn't bode well if Dean was to open his mouth now, so he quickly inquired, trying for a bit of politeness: "I'm sorry, but who are you two?"

This time the smaller one (Neptune, apparently) was quicker off the mark, and jumped over to stand in front of Sam, hand outstretched to shake.

"I'm Neptune, the Protagonist of Protagonists!" She introduced herself with dramatic flair, and Sam could have sworn he saw sparkles flying off her at that point.

"And this is my fabulous friend Vert, who is mighty pissed that mister "you're going on a vacation" just pulled her away from her teatime. Anyway, that's us introduced, and you are?"

She looked at him expectantly, arm still outstretched

Sam glanced over at his brother before he carefully wrapped his large hand around the little girl's. Her fingers seemed to disappear in his entirely.

"I'm Sam Winchester," he answered, "that over there are my brother Dean and our... Castiel."

He smiled at her and hoped that Dean would be able to tear his gaze away from Vert soon because it was going to start getting embarrassing.

As it turned out, his torment wasn't over, as Neptune immediately seized upon the small hitch in his introduction:

"Your Castiel? Do you own him? Is he a slave or something? Or a _pet_?"

For some reason her voice and her face gained a very suggestive quality at that last one, and it seemed to get Vert's attention as well. The blonde woman, apparently done examining her dress for any damage, turned to regard the angel, who was still awkwardly standing at the windows, looking like a deer in the headlights.

"My, my, that would be an... Interesting development... And he is quite the handsome specimen. Do you own him together?"

Dean sputtered and shook his head hastily.

"He didn't mean it like- Cas is just-"

"I'm an angel of the Lord," Castiel cut in, blunt, honest and oblivious toward any sort of social finesse like he always was.

"Cas," the elder hunter hissed in his direction. "We talked about this."

Vert's giggle was, unsurprisingly, quite melodious. Neptune's on the other hand, was surprisingly dirty and gleeful.

The older girl looked at Castiel approvingly.

"An honest one, I like him. And very stylish, the whole "post-apocalyptic accountant" look works very well. And what about you two _dashing_ young men? What do two handsome fellows like you do in a seedy hotel room with a literal Angel?"

Her eyes were sparkling with mischief.

"We, uh..." Sam began, apparently reassessing his first impression of Neptune, which had consisted of sorting her into neat little categories of little girl, funny hair, harmless and now shifted to humour completely inappropriate for someone of her age.

Dean harboured a general distrust toward little girls on principle ever since the whole Lilith deal, and a healthy sense of suspicion toward all things to do with Gabriel, which was why his hand was surreptitiously creeping toward the knife resting on the table.

Sam settled on a vague "It's sort of a long story" while he shot his brother a warning glance.

He was feeling more than a little out of his depth here. To be frank, the kid gave him the creeps.

Apparently, being vague was the wrong choice when dealing with Neptune, whose curiosity seemed to match her boundless energy, as she got right up in his face (standing on the bed to attain the necessary height) with a curious grin.

"Ooh, long stories are always the best! Go ahead, tell me, tell me! Ohhh, wait, do you have Popcorn? Cause you need popcorn for long stories. Or pudding. Do you have pudding?"

And just like that, she neatly distracted herself, jumping down from the bed, landing in a combat roll that was surprisingly (and a little worryingly) graceful, and strolled off towards the kitchenette to inspect the Mini fridge.

Vert on the other hand was still quite enamored with Castiel, sliding up to the angel and inspecting him thoroughly, her significant ... assets brushing against his arm as she stretched herself to look into his eyes.

Cas attempted to take a startled step back, eyes flickering toward Dean nervously, but since he was already standing at the window, he didn't get very far. Sam ignored his brother's jealous, protective glare in favour of quickly getting in front of the fridge.

"I'll see if we have something," he told the beaming little girl tensely and kept a wary eye on her as he slowly reached into the fridge, thankful for his brother's paranoia.

 _And maybe his own. But that wasn't the point._

His hand closed around the flask, unscrewing the top with two fingers while he pulled it out slowly, and then he proceeded to spray the girl with freshly blessed holy water.


	3. Chapter 2: Sweet, sweet exposition

The sudden attack elicited a startled yelp from the purple-haired girl, who jumped back and looked down and sniffed the stains on her hoodie curiously, but appeared otherwise unharmed. The yelp also got Vert's attention, who spun around with a whirl of her dress and seemed ready to step in and defend her friend if anything happened

Sam stared at the little girl with a mixture of mortification and relief.

"You're... not a demon," he said slowly. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I..."

Cas interrupted him, frowning. "Of course she is not a demon," he rasped. "I would have told you."

Sam tugged a hand through his hair sheepishly, because yeah, right, Angel. And it probably wasn't fair toward Gabriel to assume he would drop a couple of demons in their midst and pop off again, come to think of it (though he had killed Dean a lot that one time, so it couldn't hurt to be careful).

He watched Dean very slowly let go of the knife he had picked up rapidly, halfway getting out of his chair at Vert's sudden movement.

The elder hunter cleared his throat. "Well, that's awkward," he announced, which didn't help the situation one bit, thanks a lot. "But good to know you're not hellspawns."

Neptune, having concluded that the Liquid had indeed been just water and wasn't going to stain her beloved hoodie, turned to Sam again, an outraged expression on her face.

"Demons?! What do I look like, evil Arfoire? How could you lump me in with that old hag and the likes of her? Can't you see that with this youthful complexion and innocent cuteness I can't be anything other than the Heroine?! Nepu! And to lure me in with the promise of pudding, only to betray my trust like that! Ya big jerk!"

Vert took a step forward, apparently unconcerned about the fact that Dean had been just about to stab her.

"I must agree with Neptune, that does seem quite harsh. I admit that we haven't been the most ... gracious of guests up until now, but that was quite unnecessary. After all... " And here her face turned wistful

"It wouldn't do to get into a fight with such charming men."

Sam cleared his throat, just a little bit overwhelmed. Why had Gabriel left them alone again?

"Um," he made, since Dean seemed way too intrigued by their more adult-looking guest to be of any help whatsoever, "we don't have any pudding, I'm afraid, but if you'd like some pie..."

That got Dean's attention, of course.

"Dude!" he protested. "You're not giving her my pie!"

"I just drenched her in holy water for no good reason," Sam responded flatly, "I think getting her something sweet is the least I could do."

His brother's response was an incomprehensible grumble, but Dean leaned back in his chair with a sigh and folded arms, so he counted that as a win.

Turning back to Neptune, he asked: "So, is pie alright?"

She pondered for a moment, then nodded gravely, her mood apparently as mobile as she herself was.

"That's fine, though I don't want tall, blonde and stabby over there being angry at me for stealing his pie, so I'll take half. What flavour do you got?"

Dean snorted a laugh despite himself and Sam felt himself smile as well. He turned back toward the fridge, this time foregoing the holy water and the hunting knife stashed in there and instead pulled out the pie.

"Cherry," he told Neptune. "And since Dean deemed it necessary to buy an entire pie," and that was why he didn't make his brother do the grocery runs, "I'm sure there's enough for everyone."

A bit of shuffling around awkwardly occured, and soon they all sat around the small table (with the exception of Cas, who chose to keep standing forlornly by the window) with a big slice of pie in front of them

Dean had apparently decided that trivial matters like Gabriel dropping potentially dangerous beings, possibly from another dimension, would not keep him from enjoying his pie to the fullest; he was digging in with his usual enthusiasm.

"So," Sam began. He took his time while he watched their guests. "What's your story, then? How do you know Gabriel?"

Neptune apparently wasn't to be outdone, and was matching the older hunter bite for bite, which left Vert to answer, between smaller, more dignified bites.

"As Neptune mentioned earlier, he is not actually a friend of ours, but rather of Histoire, Neptune's Oracle. I was just in Planeptune to collect some.. games I had pre-ordered, and decided to visit my dear friend while I was there, when suddenly this Gabriel just appeared in the middle of the room, told us we'd be going on a vacation, and then we were here. I didn't even get to finish my tea. It was all very rude."

The elder brother, who seemed to be quietly impressed by Neptune, snorted a laugh at that and Sam smiled apologetically.

"He gets like that sometimes," he said and Dean choked on his mouthful a little.

"Sometimes?" he echoed. "I don't think I've ever seen the dude be polite with anyone."

Cas joined in carefully: "Gabriel has always had a... challenging personality."

"One way to put it," Dean muttered. "I would've gone for he's a dick, but challenging personality sounds about right, too."

" _Dean_ ," Sam reprimanded with a pointed glance at Neptune. "Could you watch your tone a little?"

Neptune seemed unbothered, and, after quickly swallowing the last of her pie, made her own thoughts known:

"Yeah, he seemed a bit of an ass. Didn't even give me a chance to pack my bag, or hide Vert's Hentai. Good thing Nep Jr. is in Lastation trying to get Uni to confess, so at least her cute, innocent little mind won't be corrupted by that."

She shot a sly grin at her now blushing companion.

Sam's fork had stopped in its tracks on the way to his mouth. Dean cackled at his brother's reaction while Cas tilted his head at Neptune quizzically.

Sam had the bad feeling he was going to ask what hentai meant, so he plunged on quickly: "I'm not sure that's..."

"You needn't worry, Sam," Cas cut in. "She is not a child, despite her appearance."

Dean paused, frowning suspiciously, but since they had already established she wasn't a demon either, he refrained from making a grab at the closest weapon. Still, he eyed their guests with a little more wariness than before.

Neptune pouted, and Vert giggled (which sent interesting bouncy ripples through her Dekolletee).

"Awww, you ruined it. I was having so much fun shocking him. Who knew angels were such mood killers."

Sighing dramatically, Neptune let her head sink to the table, prompting Vert to pat her on the back comfortingly.

"Now, don't be so mean to the poor man. He was just trying to help out his friends. Although I must admit, his reactions were quite... delectable."

Cas turned an alarmed look her way and took a half-step to the side, placing Dean's chair between him and the busty blonde.

The hunter raised his eyebrows at him over his shoulder and then smirked. "Yeah, he's adorable like that." He remembered their little trip to the brothel all too well. Which reminded him that Cas still needed to get laid-

-and that thought, in combination with their present company, sent his mind in directions it didn't need to go. Ever.

The busty blonde flashed him a predatory grin, almost as if she had sensed the less-than-pure direction his thoughts had taken, but then turned back to her spiky-haired companion.

"I know you love teasing people, but please try not to upset our hosts too much, my dear, we might need their help in getting home. If this Gabriel doesn't return us soon, who knows what the citizens of Leanbox might think about my absence. Not to mention my guild."

"The citizens of where now?" Dean asked, frowning.

Sam exchanged a look with his brother and then inquired: "Sorry, but where exactly did Gabe pick you up again, exactly?"

"From Neptune's living room, as we mentioned earlier, although your confusion probably stems from the fact that we are, in fact, from another dimension, which we generally simply call the "Superdimension", to avoid confusion. I am really not the best suited to explain this, seeing as I rarely get too deeply involved in Neptune's dimension-hopping shenanigans. Histoire or Purple Heart could probably do it better."

Vert flashed an apologetic smile and tapped Neptune on the shoulder.

"Was that about correct, or did I forget something important?"

Once more swinging her mood back up to happiness, Neptune leaned back, crossed her arms behind her back and graced her friend with a lazy smile.

"Nah, you're doing great. Histy'd take three hours to explain it, anyway, and I don't think Dean would be able to concentrate on a word Purple Heart says. Speaking of which..."

She turned back to their (somewhat involuntary) hosts.

"If you've got any more questions, now's the time, folks. Everyone's favourite dimension-hopping heroine is in the mood to give some exposition."


	4. Chapter 3: Tonal Dissonance

**AN: Welcome back to SuperNeptural Shenanigans!** **I'm happy to see that some people still care for these morons and their weird meeting, and I will happily provide you guys with further updates (as long as I still have material).**

 **Reviews:**

 **BlitzNeutral69: Oh, the Boys reacting to HDD is one of my favourite moments in this, I hope you'll like reading it as much as we liked writing it. As for Lemons, we hadn't planned any, and, as I referenced up there, there's currently a finite amount of material that's been written, as I'm kinda dependent on Majienie to write more, as he's reponsible for the Supernatural bois. If you want to badger him into getting back to writing this with me, go to http/majinie. and tell him to do more SuperNeps.**

 **Anyway, have fun with this chapter!**

Dean opened his mouth and raised his fork as if to gesticulate with it, closed his mouth again with a snap and leaned back in his chair.

"You- you don't expect me to believe any of that, do you?" he said eventually. He glanced over at Sam for support while he called the two women out on their frankly absurd story and scowled as he saw his younger brother's thoughtful expression. "Aw, come on, Sammy!"

"Think about it," the other hunter replied. "I mean, Gabriel is a trickster and a pagan God and an archangel. Who says he couldn't...?"

"He could've just snapped his fingers and made these two up to mess with us for all we know," Dean shot back.

Their guests, for the moment, seemed content (even vaguely amused) to let them figure things out on their own for now.

"He might not have," Sam countered. "I mean, why would he?"

Dean threw his arms up. "I dunno, maybe because he's a dick?"

The younger Winchester rolled his eyes. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, not everything Gabriel does has the end goal to spite us?"

"Not really, no."

This wasn't going anywhere like this.

Sam turned in his seat to face their angel. "Okay, Cas," he said, "would it - theoretically - be possible for Gabriel to have brought them here?"

Castiel tilted his head at them. "They are not fabrications," he stated. "I would know."

Sam gave Dean a told you so-look, which his brother answered with a bitchface that Sam would have been proud of if it wasn't aimed at him.

"Which leaves us with the question," he went on, "of, ah, why exactly he would drop you off here."

"Back at the beginning, you mean," Dean muttered and stabbed his pie.

In the meantime, Neptune had pulled a plastic cup of pudding from somewhere and was now happily munching away, speaking between spoonfuls of amber sweetness.

"See, Verty Vert, I told you he looks like an asshole. And to you, Sam, I have noooo clue. Just came outta nowhere, talking about going on a vacation and stuff and then abducted us! SO not nice. I mean, when I go on a vacation I go to the beach or something, not to a dingy motel room. If that guy had a travel agency, he'd be bankrupt in ten seconds flat!"

Vert was unsuccessfully hiding her giggles behind her hand.

"My, my, you guys seem to feel quite strongly about this Gabriel. Is he the reason you are so paranoid, or are there other reasons you have weapons hidden all around the room and test new arrivals for demonic presence? There does seem to be a lot more to you than meets the eyes. Although what does meet the eyes is also quite nice..."

The purplette perked up at the mention of her holy-water induced ordeal, her pudding cup already empty and just as mysteriously disappeared as it had appeared.

"Yeah, what's up with that? I mean, I got pie out of it, so I don't mind so much, but seriously? What the hell happened that you're so paranoid? The grumpy angel's still standing guard at the window, too. OOHHH, are you expecting company? Are there monsters coming? Or actual demons? Uh, can we help? I wanna see what kinds of monsters you've got here!"

Despite the fact that he was aware Neptune wasn't a little girl in the way she seemed, Dean couldn't help but lean forward and shook his head.

"Look, kiddo, I don't know how things are where you're from, but you don't wanna mess around with the things that go bump in the night here. No offence." He gave her a placating smile before glancing over at Cas. The Angel wasn't much of a talker at the best of times, but he had stayed curiously quiet throughout the whole conversation.

An irritated expression flashed over Neptune's face, too fast to be noticed by anyone except Castiel, and probably Vert, before being replaced by a much more pronounced look of horror.

"Oh no. Don't tell me... This room, you three... It's all that's left of human civilisation, isn't it? Out there it's a barren wasteland full of ruins and monsters that can swallow buildings in a single gulp, and you're hiding out here, waiting for the end..." Her terrified look grew ever more pronounced, until it reached almost comic levels of overexaggeration, along with the frantic, high-pitched sound of her voice.

"NOOO, I don't want to be eaten by the Sandworms!! Vert, we gotta get back home fast, we can't let them eat my cute butt! I don't wanna get digested!..."

She went on like that, her performance growing ever more dramatic and her theories of the state of the outside world ever more ridiculous. Vert soon abandoned every attempt at hiding her amusement over the younger girl's antics, giving in to her giggle fits after saying something along the lines of "And I thought I was supposed to be the dramatic one..."

Dean stared at the two, flabbergasted.

"Alright, am I- is she-" He turned toward his brother. "Am I not being taken seriously here? I feel like I'm not being taken seriously. I don't like it."

Sam, who was torn between laughing along with the two women and calling an asylum, though more inclined toward the first option. After all, he knew (they both did, for that matter) appearances could be deceiving and the little girl wasn't as little as she seemed, and honestly, her sense of humour didn't seem all that horrible.

But back to the matter at hand. His big brother's indignation.

Attempting a sympathetic expression, he nodded solemnly. "I think that might just be the case here," he confirmed. "Horrible feeling, isn't it?"

The elder hunter shot his brother a glare and decided to stuff some more pie in his mouth instead of replying. He was not a babysitter, seriously, especially not one for pink-haired girls with no apparent survival instinct.

Said little girl was currently rolling on the ground in hysterical laughter, but managed to control herself enough to snort out:

"That was just... Hahahaha, oh myself, that was just soo unexpected! I mean you... Hahaaa, just... It's been a while since anyone.. haaa... Treated me like that... I couldn't resist."

Having delivered her rather unhelpful explanation, occasionally interrupted by more laughter, Neptune went back to uncontrolled guffaws, prompting Vert to once again step in with an explanation.

"You see, a few years ago, due to... circumstances, Neptune lost her memories, and because she had been absent from Planeptune for a long time fighting in the console war, her own people didn't recognize her. She was treated as just a little girl back then, but since she has regained her true position as Planeptune's goddess, she probably saw the chance to relive some memories from those days. I would apologize on her behalf, but I must admit that your being condescending, though understandable, is quite unnecessary, as well as a little bit rude

Sam looked down with pursed lips and, from the corner of his eye, Dean had the decency to look at least a little sheepish. Castiel, of course, was as unmoved as ever.

"Sorry, I guess," the younger of the brothers ventured carefully. "Still a little hard to wrap our heads around the whole thing. We didn't mean to offend anyone." He shot a pointed look toward his brother. "Right, Dean?"

"Yeah, what he said," the elder Winchester agreed quickly, probably grateful that he didn't have to do the brunt of the speaking part. Apologising wasn't exactly something that sat well with him. Instead, he went on: "So when you say goddess, you mean like a pagan?" His look toward Cas at the last word could be paraphrased to like that certain annoying dick of a brother you have?

Now it was the girls' turn to share an embarrassed look. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Neptune spoke up, awkwardly rubbing her neck.

"Well, no offense taken, as long as you don't forget it when the shit hits the fan, but, erm... How do I say this... I have no freaking Idea what "pagan" means. Is that the name of a country? A continent? A secret society?"

Dean snorted a laugh and Sam, too, chuckled to himself.

"Yes," Dean answered immediately. "Exactly. They're a secret society. With their own continent. And secret meetings to rule the world."

"Except," Sam cut in with a pointed look, "they're not."

Crossing his arms, Dean rolled his eyes. "You're no fun."

"And you aren't nearly mature enough to call yourself my older brother," Sam shot back before turning an apologetic glance toward their guests. "The pagans are our gods, sort of. Well, not everybody believes in them, but we've met some, so... yeah. They're deities with specific... areas of expertise, so to speak."

Vert's eyes lit up with understanding. "Oh, I think I've heard of things like that. Many deities working towards different goals, everyone being responsible for specific actions or concepts, right? I played a few MMO's where that's a mechanic." At that, her her spiky-haired companion rolled her eyes, mouthing something along the lines of "always with the game addiction". The busty woman either ignored or didn't notice the silent commentary and continued with the exposition, after a well-measured sip of tea (the leaves for which had just as mysteriously appeared as Neptune's pudding, seeing as there weren't any visible pockets on her dress).

"But that doesn't quite fit. Every goddess, or CPU, is responsible for ruling and protecting one of the four nations of our world. We used to fight for shares, but after the business with Arfoire a few years back we're on good standing, mostly thanks to Neptune."

"Principalities," Castiel blurted out and actually blushed a little when everybody turned to look at him in surprise. It wasn't usually his style to speak without measuring the sentence word for word first. He cleared his throat and started again: "Guardian angels who watch over continents are referred to as Principalities. While there is no conflict about... shares or any other form of currency, their general function seems to be the same."

"Doesn't that mean it's bad you're here?" Sam inquired. "I mean, no offence, but what happens to your home while you're not there?"

Both girls looked at Castiel for a moment, Vert's expression flashing from amused to contemplative to sultry as she registered yet another thing she liked about the angel. Neptune's face just went blank for a moment, before settling back to her usual cheeky grin. She even beat Vert to reacting.

"First off, Shares aren't a currency, they're the source of our power, generated by the faith of our people. Makes the whole fighting thing kinda pointless in hindsight, but hey. Apparently we were morons back then." A look of regret and longing flitted over her face for a moment, almost too fast to be noticed.

"Whatever, it's not like I'm that person anymore anyway. Second, I'm not too worried about that. I mean, they totally got along fine without us while we were duking it out in Celestia for decades, and especially Beru-Beru and yours truly here don't really need to be around to keep things going, like Noire, the old control freak." She did a neat flip to get up from where she was still lying on the floor, and sidled over to Dean.

"Now we've got the exposition outta the way, what's with you guys? What's your story, and how can we make it more awesome?"

The brothers exchanged a brief look. Then, Dean gave their guests a broad grin, tipped his beer bottle in their direction before he took a sip and then answered: "Well, basically, the world is ending."

"Don't sugarcoat it, Dean," Sam muttered with a roll of his eye.

"Don't plan to," the elder Winchester answered. "Basically, we kick-started the Apocalypse by dying and now we're trying to fix it."

Castiel frowned. "That is-"

"A very simple way of putting it, I know," Dean interrupted. "Still true."

The angel took a minuscule step forward. "It was not your fault. It was the way things were supposed to be, how they have been predicted."

"That's a nice way to redirect responsibility," the hunter responded sarcastically. "The fact you knew millennia ago that I'd fuck up doesn't mean I fucked up any less badly."

"Guys," Sam cut in. "A time and a place?"

That seemed to actually have an impact on the girls' mood. Neptune seemed to simply deflate, shock, confusion and pity taking turns appearing on her face. Even though they had only known her for an hour or so, the hunters could tell that those kind of emotions didn't belong on that face. It was kind of disconcerting.

Vert was a little less obvious in her reactions, but her face still showed some shock about the grim revelation.

She was the first to find her voice.

"That sounds... Horrible. You died? And the world is really ending? How does that work? And what do you mean with you being responsible?"

Dean smiled wryly. "Well, yeah, first Sammy here, then I sold my soul to get him back, which got collected a year later, I spent a while in hell until he pulled me out." He nodded at their angel. "That's the short version. Me getting out broke a seal, and now Lucifer is out and about and looking for my brother, because apparently, the angels need us to end the world." He leaned back and spread his arms slightly. "So yeah. It's kind of our fault."

"Wow, that sucks... like, complete crapfest. But how is that your fault? I mean, wanting to survive and wanting to save your family are, like, totally legit hero things to do. If the game was rigged against you from the start, that's totally not your fault. I call Hax!" Neptune wasted no more time making her own opinions known.

"And also, Castiel can bring people back from hell? Back from the dead? That is sooooo cool."

Vert immediately agreed: "Saving your family and friends is not in any way a despicable act, and if there was no way for you" here she indicated Castiel "to know that the resurrection would break a seal, whatever that may be, then it sounds to me as if you did everything as best as you possibly could."

"Yeah, and at least now you're still around to kick a lot of monster butt!" Neptune turned to Vert "Like when you guys ganged up on me and booted me out of Celestia. Sure, that gave Arfoire the opening she needed to do her evil-mastermind-thingy with the creepy overlord dude, but then you helped bring them down, and now things are better than before. Sooo..." She turned back to Dean. "With you guys stuff can still turn out alright. You just gotta do everything you can."

Having delivered her words of wisdom, Neptune plumped down into her chair again and started munching on another pudding that had appeared in her hands in a flash of bluish light.

Sam and Dean exchanged a slightly surprised look. They had expected a little more... well, maybe some consternation at least. These two didn't seem all that surprised by the admittedly very much summarised version of their tale.

It was a nice change, actually.

"That's... nice of you to say," Sam replied when it became apparent that nobody else was going to speak up. "I guess you're right, sort of. It's not like we can do any more than our best." The unspoken "but we should" hung in the air between the brothers for a moment before Dean exclaimed: "Would you look at that, Sammy, it's dark already. We ought to get to work soon."

"Work? Whath'th phat?" Neptune asked, rather unintelligibly through a mouthful of pudding.

"Neptune, dear, don't speak with your mouth full." Vert admonished. Once the pudding was swallowed, the smaller girl asked her question again: "Work? What's that? Hunting monsters? Breaking stuff? Having fun?"

Her excitement was palpable, eyes practically sparkling, fists clenched, and she was actually, literally bouncing in her seat. How she managed it, neither Dean nor Sam could explain, but somehow she was bobbing up and down faster than Dean's heartbeat when Vert leaned over the table, equally interested, and exposing an ungodly amount of cleavage.

Dean opened his mouth to come to the defence of their job, but before either of the Winchesters could get a word in, Castiel nodded behind them and answered: "Yes, that seems like an accurate description."

The elder brother shot him an appalled look. "Cas!" he complained.

It got him an innocent head-tilt, but he swore he could see a glint of mischief in the angel's cerulean eyes.

They were such a bad influence on him.

Speaking of bad influences, Vert seemed to now be extremely excited, leaning even further over the table and staring wide-eyed at the (maybe) trolling angel.

"Oh, do tell. Will we get to see some impressive heroics? A great fight between the forces of good and evil? True love revealed?" Sam could have sworn there were hearts in her eyes, but that could have just been hallucinations from the horribly clichéd scenarios the blonde's theorizing evoked.

"Uhm..." Dean tore his eyes away from Vert's cleavage when Sam kicked him sharply under the table. He looked back up at the blonde's face and cleared his throat. "We suspect there's a nest of vamps here in town," he explained quickly. "Visitors of a certain night club around here have been going missing, we wanted to check that out."


	5. Chapter 4: Loading Screen

**A New Year, a new chapter.  
For those of you who follow me for my other stories: Worry not. I have sworn to write more on my own stuff this year. I've got a collection of shorts that's almost in publishable condition, and new motivation to continue with "Yeah ... Complicated" especially, so look out for those.  
As for this, not much to say. It's loading screen banter mostly, but the real action will begin soon.  
A big Thank You to fafnir1404, Mustafao0 and BlitzNeutral69 for reviewing this story, and an extra shoutout to BlitzNeutral69 for informing me of some formatting mistakes. **

**Thanks also go out to zute2, meldauty, lartsuWalnutCake, Pyrojack1, Mustafao0, KingOfTheIceLord, Epyon111 and Blitzneutral69 for favouriting.  
I hope you'll stay with me for a bit longer. **

* * *

For some reason, the mention of the bloodsucking Monsters fired Vert's Imagination up even more.

Her eyes stared vacantly into the middle distance as images ran through her head.

"Oh, what a lovely thought, our gallant Heroes breaking into the manor of the timeless, soulless Monster, to be greeted by the lesser creatures of the night, pale and otherworldly beautiful in the Moonlight. Bodies, glistening with effort, moving in the deadliest Dance of them all..." She trailed off as she noticed the stares being directed at her.

"What? That's how it always is in my doujins."

Sam cleared his throat while Dean leaned over to murmur: "It's Pattinson all over again. And she's from another freakin' dimension."

The younger brother coughed to cover up his laugh and explained carefully: "Well, they're not... really... much like that. They're actually pretty gross most of the time."

The entranced blonde huffed, freaking huffed, and slumped down into the uncomfortable wooden framework of the Motel chair.

"That is simply unfair. Why can I never get the attractive opponents? Well, apart from that time I fought myself of course. Maybe that used up all my luck in terms of interesting encounters."

Dean's mouth dropped open slightly as his mind involuntarily went to the image of not one, but two Verts going at it. It was probably not an accurate depiction of what had happened, but it did fit the description of an interesting encounter.

"How'd, uh... How'd that happen, then?" he asked, leaning forward over the table.

Sam had to resist the urge to kick him again.

Neptune, who was now soothingly stroking Vert's back in a weird reversal of their earlier situation, answered that one.

"Oh, Arfoire, who's this old hag who is also kind-of-but-not-really our mom apparently, tried to take over Gamindustri a few years back. That's when I lost my memories, because she made the other three gang up on me and beat me up and stuff. Then, while I was looking for a way to get my memories back, and also free Histy, who is sort of like a sentient history of the world or something like that (and also an adorable little Fairy, who is also a slave driver), she used her abilities to steal the power and appearances of the other CPUs and take over their countries. I met them on my Adventure, they joined my Party, and then we kicked Arfoire's butt like a million times, until I finally trapped her in Celestia and reformed her, and then she became this smokin hot babe who looks like an older and bigger version of Histy. Seriously, she was this disgusting old hag (except not really, because the artstyle of the games made her still pretty hot), and them she was this gorgeous bombshell with silver hair. If she wasn't kind-of-but-not-really my mom I'd totally hit that. Anyway, yeah, we all had to fight evil doubles of ourselves a few times."

As before, the lavender-haired girl seemed to disdain the need for breathing to unleash an insane amount of exposition on the unsuspecting hunters. Sadly, some of it was lost on them, as they were limited to listening to her talk and could not perceive the parentheses.

Dean raised a concerned eyebrow when Neptune finished her rant.

"Sorry, were you... breathing?" he asked carefully. "Because it really seemed like you weren't breathing there. Like, at all. It's a little concerning."

"Anyway," Sam cut in, "that seems... pretty damn wild."

"Did she say she wanted to hit on her mom?" Dean demanded incredulously.

"Just shut up," Sam responded in a low hiss. "So we'd... really need to get going now. I guess we can leave Cas here to watch out for you and we'll be back... in a few hours, I guess. Feel free to use the beds if you're tired, we'll figure out how to contact Gabriel tomorrow and... yeah." He stood up, pulling Dean with him. "Got some vamps to hunt. We should... go."

Both Girls immediately left their seats as well. "And why are we to stay behind? Not that I mind having a literal Guardian Angel, especially not one that looks like that... But I do feel we're being sidelined again."

"Yeah, that's super condescending again. I told you I wanted to help when you go fight Monsters. Don't be a meanie, let us kick our own share of ass. Hey Angel guy, you've been telling them stuff about us the entire time. Tell them that we can kick butt and wreck Monsters with the best of them!"

The look Neptune directed at Castiel was defiant, and a little bit pouty, but most of all, it was determined, and it gave her features an entirely different quality from the little girl she had appeared before

Cas' gaze remained on the pair for a long moment before he looked over at his humans.

"I believe they are indeed able to fend for themselves, their appearance notwithstanding."

Dean threw his arms up in the universally recognised gesture for oh, what the hell. "Fine. Come along. But I am not babysitting anyone, and if Gabriel has complaints later, I'm telling him to direct them at you. Scratch that, actually, I'm gonna tell him to shove them up his-"

"Shall we get going, then?" Sam spoke over him loudly. "Wouldn't want to miss the vampires because we're busy cursing the archangel, would we?" He gave his brother a pointed look and Dean rolled his eyes, grabbing his leather jacket from a chair.

"Yes, yes. Let's just get going already."

It was halfway to the Impala that he frowned and paused to look at his companions. "Hold on, how are we getting the kid into the night club?"

Vert's eyes sparkled again, while Neptune let out an annoyed sigh. "Oh, right. It's not like they'd recognize my ID here. Purple Heart could probably do it though."

Vert shook her head, dreamy expression never quite leaving her face. "That would attract a lot of attention, and if I understand our friends correctly, that would be counterproductive. Maybe you can guard the exit, or find another way in. I will tell you all about it once we are... done... Inside"

How does she make that sound suggestive? Dean mouthed in Sam's direction before he told Vert: "Just so you know, you don't wanna get all close and cosy with these things. As someone who's been in the business for a while, let me tell you, they're gross."

He unlocked the car and ushered Cas into the backseat with the girls as he spoke.

"We wanna find out who they are and, ideally, where they've got their nest, and then we gank 'em. Decapitation works fine." The engine rumbled to life and Dean added in Sam's direction: "You wait outside with Neptune, I'm going in with the other two. Sound like a plan?"

The green-clad woman nodded, her face determined, while her smaller friend sulked in the leftmost seat, obviously annoyed at having to stay behind.

Castiel had the misfortune of being sandwiched between the two Girls. While they weren't particularly bulky, and thus it wasn't uncomfortably crowded, there were other things making the angel uncomfortable, that had nothing to do with available space and everything to do with personal space

He was sitting with his back ramrod-straight, staring ahead and trying to ignore the feeling of a delicate hand inching its way slowly up his thigh underneath the trench coat.

He met Dean's eyes in the rear view mirror, his own wide and pleading, but the hunter just smirked at him and looked back at the road, humming along with whatever classical rock song the car radio was blasting this time.

In his ear, the honey-sweet voice of the blonde Goddess murmured, apparently just to herself, but pitched so that he would definitely hear it: "Toned legs, so strong... I wonder if he's that lean everywhere..."

Castiel let out a brief, quiet sound of alarm and glanced over at Vert, whose face was close enough for him to feel her breath against his cheek.

"I, um..." he began in a hoarse whisper, almost drowned out by Dean's music, "is that... appropriate?"

"I am a semi-immortal divine ruler, and you are a Messenger of God. Why let ourselves be burdened by such things as propriety?" She smiled a predatory smile as her hand suddenly jumped back down to his knee, only to once more begin it's sensuous upward journey

Which was when the anxious Angel was saved by the most unlikely of helpers: Neptune leaned over and gave Vert a playful, if slightly reproving, look.

"Oh, Beru Beru, I know he's handsome, but what would Iffy say if she could see you now? So unrestrained..." Her lips curled in a vicious grin.

Sam turned in his seat curiously and took in Castiel's deer-in-the-headlights-look, his slightly flushed cheeks and the way Vert was leaning into him, even though she looked a little pensive now. Cas seemed to want to disappear into the upholstery, trapped between the two goddesses as he was, and Dean raised his eyebrows with a look into the rear view mirror, but none of them said a word as they watched how this particular conversation would pan out.

The blonde shrunk back under her friend's shark-like Gaze, giggling nervously.

"Well, you see... I wasn't really doing anything... He's just so fun to tease..."

For a moment, the smaller girl's smile turned ice cold, and her sheer presence made everyone shiver.

"That's good, because Iffy is really important to me, ya know? And I can't really imagine having to tell her about how her beloved wife goes chatting up handsome strangers without her. It's totally suck for her, and you know how I'm all about keeping my friends happy..."

For a second, nobody dared move. Then, as suddenly as it had come, the atmosphere of dread vanished, and Neptune went back to grinning evilly.

"So don't be too harsh on the poor guy, can't enjoy his cute flustered expressions when he's shut down from sexyness overload!"

Sam and Dean exchanged a slightly spooked glance in the front seat while Cas seemed to deflate with relief, his eyes flickering between the two goddesses.

Dean cleared his throat loudly as he pulled into a parking spot near the club, with a relatively clear view of the entrance.

"Anyway," he said, "Cas and Vert are going in with me, you two," he nodded at Sam and Neptune, "keep watch here. Sam, I'll give you a call if anything unexpected happens, see you in a bit."

Everyone got out and they split up into two groups, with some grumbling from the shorter goddess. While Neptune and Sam looked around the street opposite the nightclub for a good place to observe from, Vert, Dean and Castiel strode purposefully towards the entrance.


	6. Chapter 5: Scouting Mission

"Okay, if someone approaches you," Dean told Cas lowly, "and starts that 'did it hurt when you fell from Heaven' bullshit again, then what don't we tell those people?"

"That we did not actually Fall but were Sent," Castiel grumbled, eyes fixed anywhere but on Dean.

"Very good," the hunter nodded. He opened the door and held it while the other two entered. "And the same goes for every other obscure pick-up-line. You ignore those people or refer them to me." He glanced over at Vert. "Angels don't flirt the way we do, apparently," he said in a way of explanation. "It can get... weird."

"My my... Do you take him to nightclubs often, that that is a concern to be addressed?"

She giggled, then straightened up as they approached the inner doors and got into the short line that had formed in front of the bouncer.

"It seems like you do lead an interesting life... I am truly looking forward to seeing more of you... I mean, of your life..."

Dean flashed her a grin as they were waved through without incident. "Well, I can promise you one thing, you won't be bored, sweetheart," he responded. One of his hands had found its way to Cas' back and he led him in the direction of an unoccupied booth, weaving his way through the crowd.

He wasn't sure how well they were doing on the 'inconspicuous' part here; Vert certainly drew quite a few looks with her unusual clothing and that strange otherworldly quality she had that Dean wasn't able to put a finger on.

Oh well. He didn't really mind. After all, it wasn't like anything about her screamed 'hunter', the people they didn't want to notice them probably wouldn't pay any heed to her.

Vert, it turned out, was terrible with crowds. Absolutely horrible. The otherworldly quality of her appearance did very little to detract from her attractiveness, and people naturally gathered around her, flirting and inviting her to dance. While she seemed quite enamoured with all the attention she was getting, she soon got bogged down by the sheer amount of people, and even though she managed to avoid the dancefloor, she bumped into and collided with so many people that she soon fell far behind the hunter and his angel.

When Dean managed to finally shove Castiel into the little alcove with a table and seats, he turned around and found the displaced goddess trying to move through a knot of people, all of which were either trying to cop a feel (which she didn't seem to mind) or not paying attention to her and just accidentally getting in her way. It was a sight that was equal parts pathetic and hilarious

He watched for another few seconds before he told Castiel to stay put and slipped out of their booth again to make his way over to where Vert was struggling. Since he was both a little taller and broader than your average clubber, it didn't take him long to shoulder his way over to her.

"Yeah, if you all could just back off a step?" he said with a tight smile. The goddess shot him a look that seemed somewhere between indignant and relieved, so he reminded her lowly: "We have a job to do. You can have fun later."

After all, Gabriel hadn't said they would have to keep their guests under close watch, right? Actually, he hadn't said much at all and Vert seemed like she could take care of herself just fine.

"Why, is there a reason we can't do both? Or were you maybe jealous?" She closed the distance with him and pressed up tightly against his side.

"There. Now I won't leave your side again." She added with a wink

"That's a relief."

Dean smirked down at her before remembering that it hadn't been thirty seconds since he'd told her to concentrate. He cleared his throat and placed a hand on the small of Vert's back (to prevent her from getting lost again, of course), leading her back toward the table Castiel was waiting at.

Once they slipped into the booth, the blonde goddess draped herself into the couch so that she was presenting herself to the two men.

" I thought we were here to do a job, not enjoy ourselves? So, how do we find these vampires?"

Dean cleared his throat and looked back up at her face quickly, trying to act like his gaze hadn't strayed anywhere else before that.

"Yeah," he responded, nodding, "yeah, of course. Yes we are. Just, uh, keep an eye out for anyone who looks suspicious. Might be a little hard in a bar full of horny lonely guys in their twenties, but you get some sort of feeling for it after a while. Plus Cas is usually very helpful."

Vert looked over the crowd with a contemplative frown, before sizing up the angel with a look that surprisingly lacked the flirtatious air from earlier.

"Yes, I do remember that he could identify us." She straightened up a little and did a little motion with her hand, which was suddenly surrounded by a green glow. "If we can isolate them, I can immobilize them. I don't quite know what kinds of powers they have at their disposal, but that should get you the time you need to do your thing."

The change in demeanor was actually a bit startling. While she was still occasionally giving appreciative glances to particularly interesting dancers, or her two companions, she was obviously ready for combat now.

"Yeah, you might wanna tune down on the light show in case anyone in here is actually sober enough to recognise it as weird," Dean commented, but he was betraying his interest as he did so because he was leaning forward, the glow adding a curious light to his own green eyes. "What exactly is it you're doing there, anyway?"

In his peripheral vision, he could see Cas tilting his head before he said slowly: "That is... not how you cast spells here. How are you doing that?"

Now it was Vert's turn to look confused. "My, is that so? how curious.." She looked down at her hand for a moment, as if carefully considering her words.

"This is fairly simple magic, if rather demanding in terms of power. I simply tap the sharicite energy that makes up the core of my being, form it into the shape I desire and then channel it into an ability through my spear, or in this case, my hand."

Her face took on a contemplative frown. "I suppose I am not quite so knowledgeable when it comes to how humans do magic, seeing as they have no shares to draw power from. I must ask my dearest Iffy when I come home."

Looking back at the angel, an inquisitive smile settled on her face. "Maybe you could explain to me how magic is done in this world? I always love learning new things from interesting people..."

"Humans don't... well, most humans have a hard time utilising 'magic', as such." Dean snorted at Cas' air quotes, which earned him an indignant frown in his direction. "There's witches or Wicca who are able to cast spells with the aid of some choice ingredients." He tilted his head contemplatively. "I am not sure how aware they are that those are mostly to help them focus their own energy. Some never quite figure it out.

"Many rely on the help of demons, who have a different sort of 'magic'," again with the air quotes, "in their disposal. Angels such as myself rely on God-given Grace to perform miracles... and other deeds. Since you are quite obviously not human, none of these would apply to you, I suppose. The closest thing I could think of would be pagan gods, but I am certain Gabriel will have more detailed information on that."

"If he shows his short ass down here again," Dean muttered, then smirked. "Wow, I didn't know you could talk this much. Maybe you've found your true calling, ever thought of being a teacher?"

Castiel squinted at him. "I am an angel of the Lord," he answered matter-of-factly. "My true calling has been determined from the moment of my creation."

The hunter sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. One day, I'm gonna make you write down the dictionary definition of humour until you get it."

"I do," the angel insisted. "Humour is the application of-"

"Not my point, Cas."

Looking back and forth between the two, Vert's smile grew into a smirk.

"My my, you two are quite the well practiced act, aren't you. I must say, the sheer variety of magic systems here is quite intriguing. Perhaps I'll tell Blanc all about it when I return. She is always looking for new ideas for her stories."


	7. Chapter 6: Back-alley dealings

Meanwhile, out on the street, Neptune was getting bored

"Hey, Samster! Hey! How long do ya think we'll have to stand around here until something plot-relevant happens?"

Sam huffed a laugh and smiled down at the purple-haired girl (and boy, that was a long way down). "It might take a bit," he told her. "Dean is gonna have to try and draw them out here so they can't harm anyone inside the club."

She looked at him dubiously. "Sounds like you have a plan for this. Think it's really gonna go that smoothly?"

The hunter smiled wrily. "It rarely ever does," he mused. "But I won't give up hope just yet. There's not much else we can do anyway."

"Yeah, I guess. I'm sure they'll be fine, they've got Vert with them after all. She's smart and she can kick ass, so even if everything goes to shit they'll totes be cool."

She shrugged, and looked around warily. "But it would be really bad if we'd already been spotted and they were preparing an ambush right now."

Sam straightened a little and cast a look around even as he answered: "Nah, I doubt they know we're here. We didn't exactly make a big deal out of our arrival in town and we've only been to the morgue once, we'll be fine."

Apparently the universe took that as a challenge, as a man jumped down from the building behind them, grabbed Neptune and dashed into an alleyway a few meters back, all in less than two seconds

Sam spun around, startled, and whipped a knife out from his jacket while he sprinted after the two.

"Let go of the girl!" he shouted while skidding around the corner, trying to adjust to the darkness in the narrow alley.

About 20 meters down the alley, Neptune was struggling with the vampire, keeping her neck out of reach of his fangs and apparently attempting to escape his grasp. And surprisingly she seemed to be succeeding

"Get off me, ya creep!" She managed to twist around halfway and escape his grasp, then she noticed Sam. "Heya, I think I found one!"

He gestured with the blade in his hand frantically.

"Get back here!" Sam hissed at the girl when she didn't make any move to back away from the vampire. "You touch her, I'm gonna chop of your-"

He was cut off with a startled grunt when something solid hit the back of his head, causing him to stumble forward onto one knee before he managed to twist around and take a swipe at the vamp at his back. He didn't manage to take its head off, but it did stumble back a few steps, giving him a couple of seconds to check on Neptune.

Gabriel was going to murder him if he let the kid get hurt or worse, killed.

What he saw, however, was not an eviscerated girl, but rather a vampire with a broken arm, lying on the ground. She had apparently grabbed and tossed the creature when it had tried to grab her again, and now she was skipping (!) towards him. "Dontcha worry your handsome head, I got it. But I think there's a few more coming." She eyed his knife.

"That's a bit small, didn't you say we need to decapitate them?"

Sam glanced down at his weapon and then turned so he'd be ready for the vampire that was once again approaching him from behind. She seemed young and was probably freshly turned, judging by how sluggishly she reacted when he spun out of the way and tripped her, like that ever fucking worked.

It did. Newbie.

"The knife is just fine," he gritted out between clenched teeth while he stopped the momentum of the vampire's fall by grabbing a fistful of her hair. It yanked her head back, eliciting a choked sound of pain from the woman, and Sam was able to wrench the knife through the tendons standing out from her neck and, with a bit of effort, decapitate her fully. "See?"

Not his most graceful decapitation, but she was dead, obviously.

Neptune nodded, and was suddenly catapulted into, and through, the wall by the vampire she had previously disabled. She disappeared into the (thankfully empty) store with a cry of "Oh SHIIT!" which was backed by the sounds of breaking glassware and falling shelves, followed shortly by the strong sense of alcohol.

Neptune had found a liquor store. But there was no time to drink.

 **Hey friends! It's been a while, and it will probably be even more. College is rough, and I really want to get through, so I've got to give it my all.** **But I didn't want to leave you guys hanging for too long, so here's a chapter of our favourite Protagonist encountering some Vamps.** **See you all in a few months, probably.**


	8. Chapter 7: Desperate(?) Struggle

Sam's eyes widened and he was already running forward before his brain could quite process what he had just seen. He slashed the head of the vampire who'd thrown her off with one smooth motion and then turned toward the hole in the wall when the weight of a body hit him in the back. He stumbled forward onto his hands and knees and growled as he twisted around, burying the vampire under his weight.

"How many of you fuckers are there?" he demanded, trying to keep his neck out of reach. Louder, he shouted: "Neptune?"

There was no logical way the girl's fragile body could have survived the impact, but he refused to think of that right now.

There was a moment of dreadful silence, and then the girl's voice came from the hole in the wall, as if nothing had happened.

"Yeah, I'm here, and getting frisky with the Whiskey. Hey, Vampyboys! You suck! Wanna come in here and finish the job, or do I hafta come out and de-sparkle you myself?"

There was a small flash of light, and a weird sound, like breaking glass played backwards.

Sam frowned and tried to catch a glimpse of the crumbled wall, but an arm wrapping around his neck drew his attention back to the vampire still laying beneath him. He scowled, trying to pull the arm away while he took a stab (heh) at the creature. He managed to sink his knife into its thigh and it hissed into his ear, thrashing.

Sam let it throw him off and twisted around quickly, pinning the vamp down and pushing the blade through its neck.

Stumbling slightly and coughing, he got to his feet and approached the source of Neptune's voice, keeping the wall at his back and his eyes fixed on the vampire still in the alley.

"Okay, if you don't wanna come play, I'll just hafta come out and have fun the old fashioned way." Neptune's playful words were accompanied by the crunching of broken glass and masonry beneath her feet, and when she entered the alley, Sam almost did a double-take. Because in her right hand, held casually at her side as if it weighed nothing more than a wooden stick, Neptune had an honest-to-god greatsword, almost as long as she herself was tall, the hilt covered in gems and overwrought carvings. "Oh hey, you actually took them out on your own, Sammy. I'm gonna take that one, 'kay?"

"I- uh." He blinked. "I mean. Sure. You, well, apparently you can handle it." He made an inviting gesture with the hand holding the knife. "He's all yours."

The little girl(?) nodded, took the sword in both hands and rushed towards the vampire, giant sword somehow held parallel to the ground at her side. Sam had seen people rush at vampires a couple of times, and it never worked, mostly because vampires were fast. Much, much faster than humans.

But apparently not faster than the childlike goddess, because she crossed the distance in the blink of an eye, swung the sword so quickly it left afterimages of five swords cutting through the unfortunate creature from all directions, and finished it up by splitting the head in midair.

Sam stared, wide-eyed. He barely even noticed the stray splatters of blood hitting him (his shirt was ruined anyway); he probably would have continued doing that for a while if the sound of rapidly approaching steps from behind him hadn't startled him into movement.

He spun on his heel, the knife ready to strike again against whatever was coming now.

"Whoa, whoa, Sammy, hey. No need to get stabby." Dean skidded to a halt in front of him, hands raised, but his eyes were peering past his younger brother's shoulder. "What the fuck was that?" he demanded, his voice hushed to a strained whisper.

In the meantime, Vert went over to Neptune, shaking her head. "Oh dear, Neptune, you really made a mess here. Did you break that wall?"

"Well, if ya count being thrown through it. Such a shame that supernatural toughness still doesn't translate to cancelling out my child-class weight."  
Neptune sighed dramatically. "Being thrown around sucks."

Sam very nearly laughed at the sight of his brother's mouth opening and closing in search of words.

"Yeah," Dean settled on eventually, "that- she seems like someone Gabriel would hang out with. Jesus. Think we can keep her?"

"I rather doubt that," Sam murmured back. "More or less anyway. We're certainly going to keep her until Gabriel picks her up again." Raising his voice a little, he called out: "Hey, Neptune, are you, uh... Are you okay?"

Upon hearing her name, the energetic girl turned around and started to bound over to the brothers, a brilliant smile on her face, and, Sam dismally noticed, not a speck of blood on her clothes, only a few spattered droplets on her face and hands.

"Yeah, I'm fine. That guy went down like a chump, took only one cross combo. Damn, that would have been a prefect encounter if the other one hadn't gotten that cheap shot in. Totally cheaters. Anyhow, was that it, or are there more of them around? What does the angel radar say?"

Castiel turned toward her, shooting an almost accusatory look toward Dean as the girl began to adapt the hunter's terminology.

"There is a nest nearby," he answered her, "which we probably ought to clean out if we want to get rid of the problem altogether."

"Yeah, that was sort of the point," Dean commented. "So lead the way, Navi."

Sam raised his eyebrows at his brother and muttered: "Navi? Does that make you Link or Zelda?"

"Shut up."

Neptune's eyes lit up at the game reference.

"Uuhh, a Blanny thing! Oh, now we really gotta tell Blanc about all of this."

She laid a playful slap on the back of Sam's head in passing, even though she had to jump up to reach properly.

"And he's definitely Link. Look at how he follows Cas around like a puppy. That's totally a Link thing."

As she stepped up next to Vert, who was looking at Castiel expectantly, suddenly the giant sword was enveloped in light, and disappeared with a sound like a dozen crystal glasses breaking.

Upon seeing everyone's stupefied expressions (and Vert's questioning gaze) she shrugged.

"The claymore is total overkill for these guys, and it's sooo unwieldy. Unless we need a lotta crowd control, I'm gonna go with my katana for now."

Dean, to whom it only now occurred to wonder where the hell said claymore had even come from, let alone where it had just disappeared to, stopped in his tracks.

"Hold on," he said, stepping in front of the exit of the alleyway. "Where did you even- actually, never mind. You're friends with Gabriel. I don't think I even wanna ask." He dragged a hand down his face. "Look, could you maybe... pack that away until we're at the car, at least? Before anyone else feels the need to jump us."

Sam looked down at his blood-soaked flannel with a grimace and undid the buttons quickly. The shirt underneath didn't look much better, but it was black, so the bloodstains were less visible. "I'd like to know, though," he remarked in Neptune's direction. "How you did that, I mean. The closest I've ever seen to that is Gabriel doing his conjuring tricks."

The girls looked at each other, surprise apparent on their faces. By some unspoken agreement Vert turned to the hunters, and, with the same sound that Sam had heard earlier in the alley, a long spear with a broad head and a finely decorated crossguard appeared in her hand.

"Well, we simply pull them from our inventory. All humans and some monsters in our world have the ability to store small items and weapons in their inventory, and summon them at need. Us CPUs of course have much more storage space available to us, and over our many years of existence we have amassed quite the number of powerful weaponry. Are you telling me that you have never seen anything like that?"

Dean blinked. "I, uh, no. I mean, we have pockets, but that's about it." He shook his head and muttered "welcome to Skyrim" under his breath, which earned him a confused look from his brother.

"Welcome to what now?"

The older hunter rolled his eyes with a defeated sigh. "You're hopeless, Sammy. Let's get back to the car."


End file.
